What is BDSM?
Have you ever used the term “BDSM” without actually understanding what it means – or said, “Nah, I’m not into BDSM!” when, in actuality, you may have dabbled in it without realising? BDSM is commonly associated with bondage, but it’s so much more – it’s a fascinating sexual subculture.
BDSM stands for “Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism.” It’s a broad and diverse set of sexual practices that involve consensual exploration of various aspects of power dynamics, control, and physical or psychological sensation. It’s important to understand that BDSM is based on informed, enthusiastic, and ongoing consent.
A little glimpse into BDSM
- Bondage: Involves the use of restraints, such as ropes, cuffs, straps, or other devices, to restrict a partner’s movement. Bondage can be used for sensory enhancement or to create feelings of vulnerability and trust.
- Discipline: Discipline within BDSM can involve punishment, role-playing, or other forms of behaviour modification. It may include consensual acts like spanking or other forms of physical correction.
- Dominance and Submission (D/s): D/s dynamics involve one person taking on a dominant role (the “Dominant” or “Dom”) and another taking on a submissive role (the “Submissive” or ”Sub”). These roles may involve power exchange, control, and guidance.
- Sadism and Masochism (S&M): Sadism refers to deriving pleasure from inflicting pain or humiliation on another person, while masochism refers to deriving pleasure from receiving pain or humiliation. In BDSM, these practices are consensual and often involve careful negotiation and communication.
A tale of extremes
BDSM activities can range from relatively mild and sensual to intense and extreme, depending on the preferences and boundaries of the individuals involved. It's crucial to understand that consent and communication are paramount in BDSM. Communication, trust, and negotiation play fundamental roles in ensuring the safety and well-being of participants. If you’re engaging in BDSM, you need to ensure you establish clear boundaries, use safe words to signal when an activity should stop, and engage in discussions about limits and desires before any play begins.
Safe, sane, and consensual… And beyond
BDSM is fundamentally concerned with informed consent, and since the 1980s, many practitioners of BDSM have adopted the motto “safe, sane, and consensual” (SSC), which means that everything they do is based on safe activities, that everyone involved is of sound mind and action, and that everyone consents. This marks a very clear boundary between activities that are considered BDSM and crimes like sexual assault.
Another code of behaviour, “risk-aware consensual kink” (RACK), emphasizes the individual responsibilities of BDSM practitioners for their own wellbeing, and say that no activity is truly or inherently “safe”, so even low-risk possibilities need to be discussed in order to have truly informed consent. Yet another code of behaviour – “personal responsibility, informed, consensual kink” (PRICK) and a further code, “safe, sane, informed, consensual kink” (SSICK) incorporate even more refined and nuanced definitions of personal responsibility and informed consent.
The important thing to remember is that consent is a requirement and it can be withdrawn or modified at any time – you never have to do something you don’t want to do, and you can never make someone else do what you want them to do. So communicate, consent, and consider everyone’s comfort and wellbeing.