Beginner’s guide to: Bondage

Fuzzy handcuffs aren’t just a bachelorette party gimmick, they’re a little glimpse into the sensual world of bondage – and an easy introduction to the world of BDSM (short for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism). If being all tied up in knots or restraining your pleasure partner gives you a thrill, then bondage might be just the right kink to explore.

Bondage basics

What is bondage, anyway? Put simply, it’s the act of restraining someone purely for the sensual thrill of it. Bondage is about what you can and can’t do to one another while one (or both) of you are tied up, and there’s immense erotic power in someone trusting you enough to let you lash their wrists to the bedposts while you stroke their body from head to toe with a feather until they’re writhing with pleasure. Bondage is a creative art form that uses a delightful array of toys and tools designed to provoke sensations on sensitive skin – think feathers, silk scarves, ice cubes. Sensory exploration is a big part of bondage, so indulge your creative side.

Safety first

While the topic of safety might seem like a surefire buzzkill, bondage is actually all about trust – trust in yourself, trust in your sexual partner, and trust in the equipment and toys you’re playing with. First of all, enthusiastic consent is a must-have. All parties should be on the same page when it comes to bondage boundaries. Know what you’re up for, what your dealbreakers are, and how to communicate if you’ve had enough – agreeing on a safe word (“Pineapple”, anyone?) is a good way to reassure each other that you’ve got pleasure and comfort at the top of your mutual priority list.

Sexy tools of the trade – ropes, cuffs, straps, harnesses, restraints, spreader bars – should all be explored and inspected ahead of time, so each party understands how they work and how to put them on (and take them off). We’re not opposed to surprises, but if you’re introducing a new piece of equipment to your repertoire, make sure your partner is okay with it – a little bit of open communication goes a long way toward titillation.

When you’re using bondage tools, make sure you’re using them correctly, and not unsafely – keep an eye on how tight you’re tying knots as you don’t want to cut off circulation or hurt anyone.

Start simple

While intricate shibari knotwork might be incredibly appealing (and you can find YouTube videos to show you how to master these techniques!), it’s usually best to start with the simple things, particularly if you or your partner are nervous. Fuzzy handcuffs (with a safety release), silken scarves, and a simple blindfold are pretty low-key to begin with. Graduate to more intense items like spreader bars and harnesses and you’ll up your mutual pleasure while increasing your knowledge – but remember that it’s important for you both to be into it (it’s no fun if one partner is uncomfortable or in an undesirable level of pain while the other partner is having the time of their life).

The art of surrender

Many people think of bondage as incorporating whips, chains, and black leather gimp masks. This is more on the “DSM” side of “BDSM”, and they do often go hand-in-hand. But bondage doesn’t always have to incorporate pain – it’s about surrendering to the whims of a trusted sexual partner, and knowing that you’re safe in their hands (literally). The person doing the restraining often gains pleasure from the idea that they’re in control, while the person who is restrained feels their pleasure from the sense of submission and helplessness. Bondage can also be visually satisfying, with both partners enjoying the sight of one tied up and one in charge.

Building your bondage collection

You don’t have to spend a lot of money on bondage equipment if you’re a creative type – lots of different household items can be repurposed into bondage gear. Scarves and bandannas, neckties, belts, eye masks, and even a wooden spoon or ruler – for a little bit of light spanking – are probably things you already have to hand. Cat toys can double as cheap feather ticklers (or grab one of those old-fashioned feather dusters from the store – a new, clean one, of course!). But there’s something sexy about leather bondagewear, and online you can find all manner of specialised bondage toys and tools. There are even “bondage starter kits” you can purchase which come with lots of different things to try.

Fun and games

Like all kinks, bondage can be great fun – if you’re informed and savvy about what you’re doing (and why). By all means, experiment with the novelty of tying up your partner and ravishing them, or playing adult games involving a naughty student and stern schoolteacher. Keep your equipment and toys clean and hygienic (nobody wants to have to untangle sticky ropes, ewww) and definitely read the room before you break out the box of bondage equipment and start restraining your new partner. If they’re not as into it as you are, find something else to do together – the list of things you can enjoy together in the bedroom is pretty much endless.

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