Just butt in

Are you feeling a bit… Cheeky? Butt play – anal stimulation – is all about discovering new ways to feel pleasure and excitement, and it’s not just for the super-adventurous among us. Just like any other erogenous zone, your derriere, posterior, gluteus maximus, ass, caboose, booty, bottom (whatever you call it) can experience and provide pleasure for both sexual partners. But butt play isn’t always about penetration – you can have lots of fun without ever breaching the seal, so to speak. Here are some butt play basics to start you off.

Butt first, consent

As with any sexual encounter, butt play needs to be consensual – don’t go sticking anything where the sun don’t shine unless your partner has explicity and enthusiastically said yes. Many people are nervous about butt play, or concerned that they might feel pain or embarrassment, and a partner who isn’t fully on board with the situation is not going to experience any enjoyment – and may even get hurt.

Lube me up

A must-have for any butt play is appropriate. Anus-safe lube is a must, for health and safety reasons as well as comfort – your anus isn’t self-lubricating, and penetration without lube can cause tears, which makes you more susceptible to infections and STIs (as well as being painful). Silicone-based lube is long-lasting and feel soft and vevety on the skin, while water-based lubes are slippery and wash off easily – but they don’t always last long, so you might need to reapply. Oil-based lubes are also okay, but you can’t use them with latex or polyisoprene condoms (the oil can cause the condoms to tear or break), so make sure any lubes you use are compatible with your condoms of choice.

Getting ready

If you’re planning to engage in some anal play, you’ll want to freshen up – take a shower, give your bottom a good soap-and-water cleaning, and check if there are any sores, cuts, or grazes. Lots of revolting germs can linger around the anal area when it’s not properly cleaned, and if you’ve recently been unwell and experienced a sore bum, you might want to wait until your gastrointestinal system gets back online and you’re completely recovered.

Many people have their anal areas waxed or groomed – engaging in butt play immediately after shaving or waxing can be uncomfortable, as the area can be sensitive and a bit raw, so leave it a day or so. If you’re thinking of going in for penetration, you might want to use an anal douche or a mild enema, but if these are your choices, please make sure you follow directions and don’t inadvertently cause damage to yourself.

Slow and sensitive

An erotic massage can be the perfect way to get both partners relaxed and ready for some butt play. Slow and sensual strokes and squeezes will help both the giver and receiver to feel more comfortable and in tune with each other’s bodies. Then maybe you want to slide a lubed-up finger near your partner’s anus and see how it feels for them? If your partner isn’t into penetration, or isn’t ready yet, how about holding a bullet vibrator next to their anus (without placing it inside) and seeing what those sensations feel like?

Rimming

Some people call it “eating ass”, but we prefer the more dignified term “anilingus” – it’s when you use your tongue, lips, and mouth to stimulate your partner’s anus and perineum (the bit between the penis/sexual organs, sometimes called the “taint”). Your anus has a lot of nerve endings at its opening, which makes it exquisitely sensitive to licking, sucking, kissing, and more. Using a dental dam (a thin barrier that’s placed over the anus, a bit like a flat condom) for anilingus is a safe-sex practice, and you might want to try an anus-safe flavoured lube here, too.

Toy time

If you’re planning to use toys or accessories during butt play, start small and work your way to big, and make sure whatever you’re using is designed to be safe for butt play. Don’t go sticking vegetables, household objects, deodorant containers, interesting-shaped candles, writing implements, bananas, hairbrushes, etc up there. Just don’t. As our radiologist friend says, “You would not believe the kinds of things people ‘accidentally slip and fall on’ that I have to scan before they go in to have stuff surgically removed. Lots of light bulbs on people’s floors.” (Please do not stick light bulbs in your anus, as they are fragile and can cause a lot of damage if they break inside of you.)

Use toy-safe and anus-safe lube with toys to ease their passage into your or your partner’s, um, back passage. Experiment with different sensations and even with mutual butt play – stimulating each of your anal areas during a passionate sexual experience can be amazing. A word about toys, though – if you’re using a toy on your butt, don’t use it on the penis, vagina, or mouth afterward unless it’s been thoroughly cleaned and disinfected. When it comes to toys, the butt should be the last stop.

Penetration

Once you’ve had some fun with fingers, toys, rimming, and gentle play, you might be keen to try anal penetration with something larger, like a penis or a dildo. Remember that your anus doesn’t naturally expand, so you need to work up to this, and be as relaxed and turned on as possible. Listen to your body, and take your time – don’t try to shove anything in there quickly. It might take a little while for a penis or sex toy to feel comfortable in your anus, so don’t feel rushed, and if you’re the partner who is giving, do not rush your receiving partner.

Clean up in aisle B (for butt)

After your butt play has finished, it’s important to clean yourself and any toys you’ve been using. Grab a shower or some body wipes and make sure to gently wash your butt area, checking for any pain or discomfort. Toys should be cleaned and disinfected with toy-friendly cleaning products. If you’ve been rimming, wash your mouth and brush your teeth. Then grab a cuddle with your partner and talk about how much you enjoyed your foray into butt play – and what you might like to do next time!

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