Talk dirty to me

Seduce your partner through titillating talk – whether you’re sexting or whispering in their ear, using the right combination of sexy words can send both of you over the erotic edge. You might feel shy at first, but dirty talk is about communication and arousal, and often it’s about how you’re saying it, not just what you’re saying, that gives your partner the right idea about how you feel (and how you want them to feel).

Just how dirty are we talking?

Imagine you’re engaged in in a passionate encounter with your date, and suddenly, one of you whispers something so enticing and erotic, it sends shivers down your spine. Dirty talk uses explicit language, descriptions of sexual fantasies, suggestive words or phrases, and naughty banter. Words have power, and a well-timed turn of phrase can create an electrifying connection, and take the mood from mild to wild.

Dirty talk isn’t just about spouting explicit words (no, this is not the moment to recite every euphemism for genitals that you’ve ever heard and hope for the best), it’s about expressing desires, fantasies, and sexy compliments. Talking dirty a chance to verbalize what you love about your partner's body, their touch, and how they make you feel. Don’t hesitate to tell each other what turns you on, or share your deepest fantasies.

Getting started

If you’re not used to talking dirty, or it doesn’t feel natural to you, then humour is probably the best way to begin. Start with a cheeky comment or a sexy joke to lighten the mood. Something dorky like, “Do you have a map? Because I just got lost in your eyes…” can transition to “Do you have any other maps? Because I’m ready to explore your body.” You’re not trying to be clever, you’re trying to make each other comfortable – and usually these kinds of silly little remarks are adorable if you deliver them with a sultry smile. (Just don’t rely on *only* these kinds of comments or you’ll get annoying – use them sparingly and with a purpose in mind.)

You might want to move on to using a few well-placed explicit words, describing the sensations you’re experiencing, or complimenting your partner’s body or how they’re making you feel. Go slow, and gauge their reaction – if something doesn’t feel right, take a step back and communicate about what works and what doesn’t. Try not to get into your head too much – just say what feels right in the moment.

Write it down

Purity culture has a lot to answer for, making people feel ashamed to have sexy thoughts, let alone express them. What’s important is that you and your intimate partner talk about dirty talk – what are you comfortable with? What do you feel awkward about? Maybe sexting is the way to start, because then you can take the time to craft a few well-chosen phrases and you won’t feel put on the spot. Leaving little sexy notes for each other is another fun way to integrate dirty talk into your repertoire. Naughty emails (NOT to or from your work email accounts, be smart!) or even handwritten letters can give you or your partner something to read and reread while the mood is building.

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