Dominate me!
Do you dream of unleashing your daddy dom or mistress with a bit of dominance in the bedroom? Does playing with power and commanding control turn you on? Is “safe word” the name of your cat? If sticks and stones may break your bones but whips and chains excite you, then dominance might be the way you roll in the bedroom – even if you’re meek and mild-mannered in real life (it’s always the quiet ones, right?).
Dominance 101
Dominance, often intertwined with the term “dominance and submission” (D/s), is a multifaceted concept, referring to a consensual power dynamic where one partner takes on a dominant role, while the other embraces a submissive role. This dynamic can manifest itself in various ways, from mild and playful to intense and structured.
Why do people explore dominance in their relationships? Well, it’s all about pleasure, trust, and exploration. Dominance allows intimate partners to explore their desires and boundaries while creating a unique and exciting connection. It can involve elements of control, discipline, and even pain (BDSM). Don't be quick to jump to conclusions, though – BDSM isn't all about whips and chains (despite what Rihanna sang). It encompasses a wide spectrum, from light bondage and playful role-playing to more intense scenes that cater to the desires of those involved.
Who’s the boss?
In BDSM, a dominant partner – Dom (gender neutral) or Domme (female) – takes charge, orchestrating scenarios that cater to their submissive (sub) partner’s fantasies. It's all about creating a safe and consensual space for exploration. Communication is critical – partners must openly discuss their desires, boundaries, and limits before embarking on a journey of dominance. Consent is non-negotiable, and having a safety word or signal ensures that both partners can stop the action at any moment if they become uncomfortable.
In D/s, both partners take pleasure in either dominating or being dominated – and a “switch” is a partner who enjoys either role, so two switches together might swap roles alternately or a few times each session. And while you may have heard the term “dominatrix”, it’s usually used in the context of a professional sex worker who plays a dominant role for pay.
A few basics
It can be intensely erotic to be bossed around in the bedroom, and to have one partner take charge while the other partner follows their every direction. The Dom/sub relationship goes back a long way in history – it even appears in early versions of the Kama Sutra. It might be purely sexual, or a lifestyle that extends into the everyday as well as the bedroom. Fantasy role play is often a part of the D/s experience – think domestic servitude or human furniture – and can be combined with fetishes and with other kinks. And safe words are a must, in order to protect the sub from the experience of the Dom going “too far”.
Playing with D/s
The way the Dom/sub relationship plays out is incredibly varied, and there are myriad manifestations – really, your imagination is your only limitation! It can be romantic or purely sexual, or neither – power and control, and being overpowered or controlled, don’t have to be sexual. But in the bedroom, dominance and submission can include “consensual slavery” (getting the sub to serve the Dom), enforced chastity of the sub, humiliation, pet play (the Dom is the pet owner while the sub roleplays being a pet), even the “sissy maid” classic roleplaying where a male sub dresses up in female-coded clothing and does housework while a female Dom directs their tasks.
Collar me
Another hallmark of a serious D/s partnership is the collar, which subs often wear as a visible indicator of their commitment to their Dom. Often in metal or leather, they are usually chosen by the Dom, and might be “symbolic” and take the form of an anklet or bracelet rather than an actual collar. We love status jewellery!