Put you in your place
Erotic humiliation isn’t about making someone feel shit about themselves, get your rocks off, and then leave them in a state of vulnerability and discomfort. It’s more about putting someone in their place, evoking feelings of submission and dominance, and being present with each other through the experience – which is, of course, consensual.
What is erotic humiliation?
Erotic humiliation, also called humiliation play, is when one or both partners become aroused or sexually excited from being demeaned and humiliated, or demeaning and humiliating the other person. Shame is the name of the game, and the act of humiliating or demeaning doesn’t need to be sexual in itself – it’s the feeling of degradation that one or both parties seek. Erotic humiliation can be verbal or physical, take place in public or in private, or can even occur via writing, texting, the phone, from a distance… It’s versatile and nuanced.
But have a care…
Erotic humiliation is a form of sexual masochism – which is when people consensually and intentionally take part in sexual activities that involve being humiliated, demeaned, or degraded in order to experience sexual excitement. It’s important to make the distinction that there is no risk of real harm during or from erotic humiliation, and it is not meant to be abusive. If either party ever feels like they are in danger, are distressed, or are being caused harm, either physical or emotional, then the line has been crossed into sexual sadism.
Why is erotic humiliation such a turn-on?
People’s sexual appetites are nuanced and varied, and what turns one person on will necessarily be unique to them. Erotic humiliation may seem like a major taboo, but research shows that many people who enjoy being the object of humiliation have quite high-powered, dominant positions in their “real life” – think CEOs and people who are regularly calling the shots at work – so being put in a position where someone else is taking control, and going from being respected and even feared to being belittled and demeaned, can be seriously arousing.
Ways to play
A common way to refer to the person who is being humiliated is to call them a “bottom”, while the dominant (Dom) person – the one doing the humiliating – is the “top”. A professional female top who specialises is erotic humilation can be known as a “humilatrix”. Other names for a “bottom” might be slave or sub (submissive).
Humiliation can involve many fetishes, such as foot fetish, spanking, body worship, and bondage, but the main thing being sought is the belittlement or sense of being demeaned, rather than the fetish itself. Verbal humiliation, such as calling degrading names or insulting the bottom or their body parts, is also common. Animal play – making the bottom drink from a dog bowl, for example – is a common scenario, as is requiring the bottom to ask for permission to reach orgasm (erotic sexual denial).
Keeping safe together
As with any sexual practice, it’s important to be clear about boundaries with your partner, and to have a safe word or gesture to use if either partner feels like things are getting out of hand. Sharing a sexual experience like erotic humiliation can be incredibly bonding for trusting partners, and you need to be sure you’re on the same page with what you are and aren’t comfortable with. Talk about your feelings, communicate about what you like and don’t like, and above all, have fun.