Get your group on

So two’s company, three’s a crowd, right? Whomever came up with this saying clearly didn’t know how to have fun! Group play involves more than two partners (more often four plus), and exemplifies the idea that the more really is the merrier.

Start off slow

It can feel intimidating for someone used to experiencing one-on-one intimacy to suddenly be thrust into a large group of sexual partners – so take it slowly. Watching group sex porn can be a good way to explore the idea of group play (and get an idea of what you might like to try and what might be off-limits). Keep in mind that a lot of porn is unrealistic and not respectful of women and trans people – in real-life experiences, being comfortable and respectful of everyone involved and most especially a person who is receiving penetration is critical.

If you wanna be my lover…

Group play can mean so many things – a small and intimate gathering of like-minded people who want to experience an intimate adventure together, or a larger bunch intending to have a roaring gang bang. Whatever form it takes, group play involves multiple sexual partners simultaneously, whatever the gender and sexual orientation of those involved (there are no formulas!). For the BDSM-inclined, a play party might be of interest – basically, a social event where attendees get together to experience BDSM activities, either as a participant or a voyeur, and socialise in a large-group setting such as at a sex club or house.

…You gotta get with my friends

For some people, having a group sexual experience with people they don’t know well – people they “play” with but don’t otherwise have a relationship with – can be liberating and exciting. For others, they need to know and fully trust a sexual partner before introducing another, and then another, and then maybe even another. Whatever you decide is up to you, but you need to be sure that you’re acting authentically and safely. You might start with a threesome and then, after that feels comfortable and enjoyable, introduce another partner into the mix. Or you might decide to play with another couple so the four of you are getting down and dirty together.

Make sure you know what your boundaries are and that you’ve discussed them beforehand, so everyone is on the same page. You might not want to receive penetration from anyone other than your primary partner, but kissing and touching is fine. Make sure you have plenty of lube, condoms, dental dams, and other safe sex paraphernalia available and that everyone agrees to use it. Have safe words and signals, and if anyone wants to stop, everyone stops – no leaving someone out in the cold and continuing to get off.

Keep it inclusive

Speaking of leaving someone out, this is a common challenge that’s important to talk about. Some of the participants might be more into the scene than others, or someone might feel shy or unsure, and hang back. It’s important that all partners check in with each other and prioritize each other’s pleasure, so no one feels like they are being excluded or neglected during the experience. Communication is key – asking if everyone is okay before doing something, asking each other how they feel, can help make the whole experience more bonding and intimate, and shows that you’re a respectful lover whom they might want to be with again in future. (You’re investing in your own future group partnerability!)

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