Pegging

To peg or not to peg

Pegging is all about the act of penetration. But in the heat of the moment, pegging is about power dynamics. Pegging is typically understood to be a person with a vagina wearing a strap-on dildo to penetrate the anus of their partner. However, we know that sexuality and gender identity don't define who is allowed to wear a strap-on and who isn’t. Embracing a shift in power dynamics and, in some cases, gender roles can be extremely hot. But that doesn’t mean we can go in guns blazing. Let’s talk through the process on how to get prepared and how to enjoy a steamy pegging session.

Peg you as prepared

Any time you try something new in the bedroom, preparation and communication should always be the top priority. Say you’ve stumbled across pegging, whether that be from a late night private movie session or, like many, from that one episode of Broad City (seriously, though, if you haven’t seen that episode, do yourself a favor - Season 2 Episode 4). How do you tell your partner that it’s something you want to try? Your first step is opening lines of communication and understanding that someone not wanting to try something you want to try isn’t rejection. Try:

  • Hey, I recently discovered what pegging is, and I think it could be fun for us to try. What do you think?
  • I’ve always wanted to try pegging. Have you heard of it?
  • I think pegging you would be really hot if it’s something you’d be into. Are you interested in trying it with me?

If your partner gives you the green light, great! The fun can begin. But like we mentioned before, communication is only one part of this step. Preparation is next.

Trying any kind of butt play requires some level of practice. If you are going to be the receiver in this sexy scenario, it’s important to learn about your body before you bring another party into the mix. Try experimenting on yourself privately first. Start with a finger, maybe you work your way up to an anal-sex-safe toy or a plug. Get to know your pace, what feels good, what doesn’t feel good, all so you can better communicate with your partner in the moment.

Now, a note to the givers. The receivers aren’t the only ones that might need a bit of practice. If you don’t have a penis or you don’t have experience wearing a strap-on, you can’t expect to enter into that new scenario a master thruster. There’s a reason why little boys have to work on their aim in the bathroom. You’re in the same boat, wielding an extension of your body that you don’t typically have.

What can make that more challenging, is that this extension of your body doesn’t have nerve endings, which can make it feel a bit foreign. Try putting it on and practicing the motions by yourself first. Once you’re ready to try with a partner, remember to take it slow. Taking your time to recognise what motions, angles, speeds, and intensity feels good for your partner is going to be very important. And the only way you’re going to be able to figure out those things is through active and consistent communication with your partner. Listen to them and listen to their body!

Peg, push, power, play

Okay, so we’ve done our practice and we’re ready to dive in. But how?

First thing’s first – arousal. Everyone needs a bit of time and a bit of build-up before penetration can take place. With pegging, it’s no different. When someone is aroused, their pain tolerance goes up. Studies have shown that the endorphins released during sex or orgasm as well as the dorsal raphe nucleus in the brain becoming more active at this time (source), has the ability to help us tolerate higher levels of pain. So before the strap comes out, make sure everyone is feeling excited, aroused and ready for action.

Second step, and this is an important one: LUBE! Lube and pegging go hand-in-hand (or strap-in-hole? But that sounds less eloquent). But not just any lube. We’re talking about the butthole, which means special considerations must be made. We’re also talking about sex toys, so your choice of lube also depends on the material of your toy. Some of our favorite anal lubes that are great for pegging are:

You’re all warmed up, you’re nice and slippery, it’s time to strap on and strap in. Our only advice from here is go slow, take your time, and remember, not all of us are porn stars. Communication throughout, checking in on your partner and how they’re doing is super important. If at any time someone feels uncomfortable or someone wants to stop, listen and respect their decision, but don’t go pulling out too fast. That can get messy and can be painful.

Now, go! Enjoy, explore, and embrace those new power dynamics making their debut in your bedroom.

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