You’re doing amazing, sweetie.

Everyone likes praise, right? Everyone desperately wants to be told they’re doing a really good job and everything is okay, right? (Just us? That’s fine, you all clearly have good relationships with your parents.) Having a praise kink has been all the rage online lately – the bad girl is out and the good girl is in. But where does a praise kink come from? Do you have a praise kink? And how can you make the most of having a partner with a praise kink?

But what does it mean?

Having a praise kink is described as a kink or fetish for affirmation, praise or positive feedback, which is sometimes mixed with other BDSM practices.

There are many theories as to why people develop praise kinks. Whether you’re a born and bred people pleaser, or you simply craved validation and attention as a child, anything could have triggered this kink. But before you go and think something is wrong with you, having a praise kink is absolutely harmless and doesn’t generally require years of unpacking in therapy (although, everyone really should go to therapy anyway).

Are you someone that gets a little embarrassed when someone compliments you? Not everyone gets the warm fuzzies from their strengths being highlighted. But guess what? That in itself could still be considered a praise kink. Degradation in its many forms is explored heavily throughout the kink community. When the embarrassment felt from receiving a compliment has a sexual or arousing undertone (and I know this sounds like an oxymoron), it becomes a sexy sandwich of both praise and degradation.

Who me?

So, how do you know if you have a praise kink? Everyone responds well to positive reinforcement, right? That may be true, but having a praise kink doesn’t just mean you like being told nice things about yourself. There are a lot of different kinks out there, but these things only become kinks when they create internal feelings of sexual arousal or satisfaction. Someone that likes getting pedicures doesn’t automatically have a foot fetish, just as someone that likes being complimented doesn’t necessarily have a praise kink.

Picture this – you’re in bed with your partner, things are getting hot and heavy, and you hear one of the following phrases leave your partner’s lips. How does that make you feel?

• “Look at you, you’re taking that so well.”
• “You have no idea how much you turn me on.”
• “I love it when you do that.”
• “I can’t stop thinking about when you did that (insert sex act here).”

If you felt hot or tingly, if your heart started to race, or if a small uncontrollable moan escaped your body, you may, in fact, have a praise kink.

It’s time to validate

We’ve established you or your partner has a praise kink, so how do you make the most of it in the bedroom?

Praise works great when you refer to specific acts your partner is doing or has done, or complimenting specific body parts. Talk about how much your partner drives you crazy, the power they have over you or your body, and the way they look when they are doing something, or their skills surrounding a particular act. Think “What that mouth do?”, but more from the perspective of knowing and appreciating exactly what the mouth does.

Now, go forth and compliment! You know they’ll love it.