Toys

Let’s talk toys

Incorporating toys into partnered sex can bring new waves of pleasure to everyone involved, while also opening up conversations around trying new things in the bedroom. Toys can do things people just can’t, whether that’s the vibrations or pulsations from a vibrator or clitoral stimulator, to the enduring feeling of nipple clamps and buttpugs, toys allow for constant pleasure, so why not embrace them?

To toy or not to toy

Looking to bring toys into partnered sex but don’t know where to begin? Start with solo play, what toys do you enjoy using alone? Are there any toys you’ve always wanted to try but felt strange using them alone? From there it’s all about communicating these desires to your partner and being open to the idea that it may not tickle their fancy. You could say:

  • I just got a new (insert toy name), are you keen to play with it, with me?
  • I’ve always wanted to try out using (insert toy name) during sex, would that be something you’re into?
  • Have you ever played around with (insert toy name)? Would you like to try it?

Opening up about your desires to your partner will likely inspire them to do the same! It may feel scary to open up to a partner - especially new or casual partners, but if they respect you, they’ll be receptive to the conversation! It’s important to remember your partner may not have the same desires as you, and that’s okay! Don’t force the point if you’re partner isn’t keen, instead circle back to the conversation at a later date. The key here is to make sure your partner doesn’t feel pressured or forced into anything. Ask them what their hesitation is and why. For some, the idea of bringing toys into the bedroom means they have in some way failed as a sexual partner, reassure them that toys are not a competitor to them and rather a team-mate! Ask them what sensations they like and talk about what you both enjoy from your current sex life and offer ideas on how toys can play a part in activities you already enjoy! Respect your partners decision, whether that’s incorporating toys or trying out something different in the bedroom, it’s only good if you’re both having fun and are feeling heard!

Toying around

So your partner is keen on trying out toys, what now? Or more importantly, how? We’ve put together a little list of how to start playing around with a few different types of toys to get you going!

    Mutual Masturbation

Using toys to bring yourself to climax with your partner, is not only, A. super hot, but also B. informative! Taking control of your climax can show your partner exactly how you like to be touched and where. Using toys together can also be intimate and freeing. By focusing on your own pleasure you can truly let loose, and as a bonus watching your partner let loose and take their pleasure into their own hands (literally) is sexy AF! Dildos, vibrators, male masturbators and butt plugs are a great starting point for mutual masturbation!

    Teasing

There’s a huge array of toys dedicated to help you teaseyour partner. During foreplay use teasing toys (feathers, nipple clamps, pinwheels, ect) to tease and build sexual tension with your partner. Start by warming them up and turning them on, build their pleasure and work up towards sex. The anticipation for the act will feel electric!

    Dedicated Toy Play

Play with different dynamics and take turns using toys on each other. By devoting all of the sexual energy on just one of you can be fun and arousing. You can use clitoral vibrators to not only stimulate the clitorus but also the nipple, toes and other erogenous areas. Giving pleasure to your partner or bringing them to climax is a fun and sexy way to use toys. Team work makes the dream work!

    Mutual Toy Play

There’s lots of ways for you and your partner to use toys together. For straight couples, using a vibrator while having sex can create pulsating vibrations inside the vaginal wall - so both of you are feeling the vibrations! For many queer women, using sex toys is a regular occurence, from double ended dildos, to strap ons galore, sex toys add to the pleasure! For queer men, tops can utilise butt plugs, and get that stretching feeling their bottom is feeling! And for bottoms, try using a fleshlight during intercourse, give your hand a helping hand…

Don’t toy around with safety

Sex toys can add a new sensations to your sex life, but it’s important to remember some basics to ensure your toy play is safe. Firstly, remember to wash your toys! It feels obvious but sometimes in the heat of the moment, it feels like the vibe will be ruined if you pop out to the bathroom to wash your toys. Plot twist… It won’t! Cleaning your toys before and after sex is vital to ensure you dont share or harbour any nasty germs! Second, wrap it up! Sex toys can pass STI’s from partner to partner, so any toys that touch your southern region should be protected. Whether that’s putting a condom on your toy or protecting yourself with a condom or dental dam, making sure you take care of yours and your partners sexual health is vital. And lastly, communicate constantly! Check in with your partner and make sure that whatever you are doing is enjoyed by the both of you, communication is the key to pleasure.

Now off you go, grab your toys and head to the bedroom, it’s time to toy around!

‍