Look, post-pandemic, we’re asking all sorts of questions we never dreamed we’d ask on a date (“What’s your favourite lockdown hobby?” and “Are you a cat person… Or a reptile person?” spring to mind). But one topic that’s moving from doctor’s offices to dating profiles is: “Are you up-to-date on your immunizations?”
Yes, really. Immunization status is fast becoming the new “When did you last get tested?” conversation. And for good reason: It’s about health, safety, and, frankly, the possibility of not catching something regrettable from someone you like.
But unlike the STI chat, which is now (thankfully) much less taboo, asking about vaccines can feel even more loaded. Maybe you’re a proud science nerd with a full vaccine card. Maybe you’re quietly worried about what your date thinks about the Covid vaccine, or whether they’re the type who thinks their immune system is “just built different.” Or maybe you’ve got chronic illness, a vulnerable family member, or just a deep love of not getting whooping cough.
So… How do you bring this up without killing the vibe, turning the conversation political, or accidentally offending your potential soulmate? Here’s how to navigate the vaccine talk, no microchips required.
First things first: You are absolutely allowed to want a partner who’s up to date with their immunizations. Just as you might care about someone’s values, lifestyle, or whether they use a top sheet (ew, never), this is part of the package. Especially if you (or someone close to you) has extra health risks, your boundaries are valid.
Timing is everything. Maybe you’re talking about health stuff anyway, swapping flu horror stories, or joking about the “Covid years.” That’s a great time to say, “By the way, are you up-to-date on your vaccines?” Keep your tone casual; you’re not a customs agent. You’re just someone who likes a bit of shared protection (in more ways than one). If this is a real dealbreaker for you, bring it up before you meet, in one of your “getting to know you” messages – that way you won’t waste any more time if your views aren’t compatible.
If you’re worried about coming off as judgy, frame it from your perspective. Try: “I like to keep my shots up-to-date because I’ve got a medically fragile family member,” or, “I work with little kids, so I get my flu shot every year.” Then you can ask, “How about you?” or “Is that something you keep up with?”
Not everyone has the same background or access to healthcare. Some people are needle-phobic. Some are… A little deep on TikTok. If your date is hesitant or noncommittal, try to listen before you react. You don’t have to agree, but you do get a sense of their reasoning (or lack thereof). And if they express opinions that you don’t agree with, remember, it’s not your job to educate them. It’s okay to peace out.
Some things are dealbreakers. If someone’s idea of immunization science includes “Bill Gates in my bloodstream” or they just plain refuse to update their shots, that might seem like a big ol’ red flag. You get to decide what you’re comfortable with. No need to stick around for a “medical freedom” TED Talk if you’re not feeling it.
The reality? There will always be topics you and a date might disagree on. Vaccines are just one of them. The question is: Is this a dealbreaker for you? If yes, it’s okay to move on. If not, keep the conversation going, but always trust your gut.
It’s not rude, awkward, or “too much” to want a partner who respects the same science you do, and your health. Ask the questions that matter to you, have the conversations that keep you (and your community) safe, and don’t let anyone make you feel weird for setting a boundary.
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