“Dirty talk” covers a huge spectrum. For some, it’s the ultimate turn-on, a kind of X-rated improv that makes the air between you practically vibrate. For others, it’s a bit like performing karaoke sober – awkward at first, until you find your groove and the words that feel right in your mouth. There’s no universal script, no magical phrase that works for everyone. Instead, you want to create something that feels authentic, with the right amount of cheek and consent.
Before any dirty words leave your lips, start with a check-in. Something as simple as “You cool if I get a little vocal?” can set the scene and send shivers down a spine. Consent is anything but dull; it’s a shared green light, and it can actually make the anticipation even hotter. If dirty talk is new territory, it can help to chat in advance about words or themes that are turn-ons versus total mood-killers (for example, some people really, really loathe certain words for genitals and would find it absolutely abhorrent to hear them).
So, what makes dirty talk actually sexy? For starters, confidence is far more important than a complicated script. You don’t need to channel a romance novelist or spout sonnets; a simple, honest “You feel incredible!” can do the trick far better than something that sounds borrowed or forced. When you get specific, the temperature rises – saying what you like about the moment, the way they touch you, the sound they make, or how they look in that exact second shows your partner that you’re really paying attention. That’s where the magic lives.
Tone and timing are your best friends here. Sometimes a barely-there whisper or a playful tease can send the hottest message, even more than the actual words. It’s the delivery, the eye contact, the shared laugh if something comes out a little ridiculous, because everyone has said something mid-hookup that they wouldn’t repeat at brunch!
If the idea of launching into a sultry monologue makes you want to crawl under the covers and never come out, start smaller. Try sharing what you’re feeling in the moment, asking your partner what they want, or encouraging them to do more of what you already love. Treat it like flirting turned up a notch, not a performance you need to ace on the first try.
Want a bit of inspiration? Mainstream media has plenty of fun examples, but if you’re looking for real-world advice that won’t make you cringe, here’s a smart piece on how to talk dirty without crossing into awkward territory. You’ll find suggestions and even some very relatable cringe moments right here. Cosmopolitan also delivers a surprisingly solid guide, which you can check out here.
One word to the wise: As with anything intimate, it pays to be aware of boundaries. What gets one person going might be a no-go for someone else, so if you accidentally say something that doesn’t land, just laugh it off and check in. Half the fun is figuring out what works for you both.
At the end of the day, dirty talk is about connection. It’s not just what you say, but how you say it, and the shared trust to play, experiment, and get a little bit wild together. The right words can transform a moment, turning good sex into great sex, and maybe even sparking a few in-jokes for later. So take a breath, have a giggle if you need to, and remember that it’s meant to be fun.
Read more
Dating
Things that give you the "ick" (and how to deal)
What do TikTok and Baby Reindeer have in common? A deep and uncomfortable dive into "the ick", that indefinable feeling which we've all felt from time to time about a person or scenario. That niggly feeling of "I don't like this, and I can't say why."
