If someone you care about tells you they’ve been sexually assaulted, it can be incredibly hard to know what to say or do. You might feel shocked, angry, heartbroken, or unsure how to help. And while there’s no perfect script for situations like this, how you respond can make a real difference in their healing process. Here’s how to be there for them in a way that’s supportive, safe, and grounded in care.
The most important thing you can do is listen without judgment. Let them tell you what they want to share, in their own time and in their own way. You don’t need to ask for details or try to get the full story. Your role is to hold space, not to investigate or fix anything. You can say things like, “Thank you for trusting me with this,” or “I believe you,” or simply, “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” If you’re unsure what to say, just being there with compassion and a willingness to listen matters more than finding perfect words.
After an assault, many people feel like control has been taken from them. One of the most helpful ways to support them is to give that control back. That means respecting their right to decide what happens next. They might choose to report the assault, or they might not. They may want to seek medical attention or talk to a therapist or specialized counselor, or they may not feel ready. Whatever choices they make, support them without pressure. Trust them to know what feels safest or most manageable for them right now.
Let them know you’re here for them, and that they don’t have to go through this alone. But try not to push for action or conversation if they’re not ready. Some people may want to talk about what happened, others may not want to say much at all. Both are completely valid. You can show support by checking in, spending time with them in low-pressure ways, or offering to help with everyday things. If they’re open to it, you might offer to help them find professional support or go with them to an appointment. The most important thing is to follow their lead and let them set the pace.
How we speak matters. Even questions that come from a place of concern, like “Were you drinking?” or “Why didn’t you leave?” can sound like blame or doubt. Focus instead on words that affirm their experience. Remind them it wasn’t their fault. Let them know they didn’t deserve what happened. Reassure them that you believe them, and that they’re not alone. Even simple phrases like “You didn’t do anything wrong” or “I’m here for you” can be incredibly powerful.
If they’re open to it, you can help them connect with professional support. That might mean looking for a local sexual assault crisis centre, calling a helpline, finding a therapist who works with trauma survivors, or researching legal or medical services. What’s available will depend on where you live, and not everyone will want or need the same kind of help. But if they ask for support navigating those options, offering to help can ease some of the burden. If you’re not sure where to start, there are international and national helplines that can help guide you or them to the right place. Google is your friend.
Supporting someone through trauma can be emotionally heavy and many people wish they could take their friend's pain away, but end up taking it on as a burden that they should not have to bear. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed or unsure at times. Make space to look after your own wellbeing too. That might mean talking to someone you trust (while protecting your friend’s privacy), or seeking support yourself to help process what you’re feeling. You don’t have to carry everything alone.
You don’t need perfect words or all the answers. You just need to show up with care, listen with empathy, and respect their choices. Being a consistent, calm, and compassionate presence can make a meaningful difference in someone’s healing. When in doubt, choose kindness. Choose listening. Choose presence. That’s what support looks like.
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