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Let’s be real: Anal sex has been shrouded in mystery, taboo, and a fair share of myths for far too long. But it’s 2024, and it’s time we normalize and destigmatize anal sex for those who are curious. Whether you’re new to the idea or looking to expand your sexual repertoire, this guide will provide you with the basics, practical tips, and the confidence to explore anal play in a safe and pleasurable way.

Understanding the anatomy

First things first: Let’s talk anatomy. The anus is surrounded by two rings of muscle known as the internal and external sphincters. The external sphincter is the one you can control, while the internal sphincter is more automatic. Understanding how these muscles work is crucial, because relaxation is key when it comes to anal play.

Inside the rectum, there are nerve endings that can make anal stimulation pleasurable. For people with prostates, anal play can also stimulate the prostate gland, often referred to as the “P-spot,” which can lead to intense pleasure. For people without prostates, the focus is on the surrounding nerve endings (especially those near the G-spot) and the general area of the rectum, which can still be very pleasurable when approached with care.

Lingo you should know

Before diving into the tips, here’s a quick crash course on some lingo you might encounter:

Rimming: Oral stimulation of the anus.
Pegging: A person with a vulva using a strap-on to penetrate a partner anally.
Douching: The act of cleaning the rectum before anal play. This is optional and should be done carefully, if at all.
P-spot: Short for the prostate gland, which can be stimulated through the anus.

Practical tips for anal sex

Communication is key: Before you even think about getting physical, have an open and honest conversation with your partner about boundaries, desires, and any concerns. Consent and mutual comfort are non-negotiable.
Start slow and small: For beginners, it’s crucial to start slow. Begin with external stimulation, like gentle caresses or rimming, before gradually working up to penetration. A small, well-lubricated finger or a beginner-friendly anal toy can be a good starting point.
Lube, lube, lube: I can’t stress this enough! Use lube, and use a lot of it. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina does, so using a high-quality lubricant is essential to make anal play comfortable and pleasurable. Opt for a thick, long-lasting lube designed specifically for anal play. Silicone-based lubes are great because they don’t dry out as quickly, but water-based lubes are compatible with all toys.

The best positions for anal play

Different positions offer different levels of comfort, control, and sensation, so it’s essential to find what works best for you and your partner.

Spooning: This is a fantastic position for beginners because it allows the receiving partner to control the pace and depth of penetration. Plus, it’s a relaxing and intimate position that can help ease any initial anxiety.
Missionary (legs raised): Lying on your back with your legs raised and slightly spread offers the receiving partner a sense of control while also allowing for deeper penetration. This position also makes it easier to maintain eye contact, which can make things that much hotter.
Doggy style: A classic for a reason. This position allows for deeper penetration and gives the penetrating partner more control over the pace. However, it can be more intense, so make sure both partners are comfortable and communicate throughout.
Cowgirl (reverse or regular): If you’re looking for a position where the receiving partner can control the angle, depth, and speed, this is it. Whether sitting up or lying back, this position allows the receiving partner to take the lead, making it an excellent choice for those who want to be in control.

Toys for anal exploration

Anal toys can significantly enhance the experience, whether you’re flying solo or with a partner. Here’s a quick guide to get you started:

Butt plugs: These are great for beginners and experienced users alike. Start with a small, tapered plug that’s easy to insert and designed for comfort. Butt plugs are perfect for warm-up before penetration or can be worn during other sexual activities for added stimulation
Anal beads: These are a string of beads that gradually increase in size, designed to be inserted and then slowly removed during orgasm for heightened sensation. They’re a fun way to explore the unique pleasure of anal stimulation.
Prostate massagers: For those with a prostate, these toys are designed to target the P-spot directly. They come in various shapes and sizes, some even with vibrating functions, to help you explore prostate pleasure.
Dildos and strap-ons: If you’re interested in pegging or using a dildo for anal penetration, make sure to choose one with a flared base for safety. Strap-ons can also be a fun way to switch roles and explore power dynamics with a partner.
Vibrators: Adding vibration to anal play can be a game-changer. Vibrators designed for anal use often have a flared base and can provide a range of sensations, from gentle buzzes to intense pulses.

Don't forget aftercare

After anal play, both you and your partner may need some physical and emotional aftercare. This could involve cleaning up, soothing any tenderness, and taking time to relax together. Aftercare helps to ensure that the experience remains positive and comfortable for both parties.

So if you’ve been curious about anal sex but weren’t sure where to start, consider this your beginner’s guide! Approach it with an open mind, a good sense of humor, and a bottle of lube, and you might just discover a new dimension of pleasure. You’re welcome! ;)

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Danielle Simpson-Baker is a Marriage and Family Therapy Intern in Florida and a Board Certified Sexologist with the American Board of Sexology. Danielle holds an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy and is currently working toward a dual certificate in Sex Therapy and Education. She also runs a sex-positive Instagram page (@thesexpottherapist) that has amassed more than 23,000 followers since its inception in 2018; with that following, Danielle started a virtual sexual wellness clinic called Sex(pot) Therapy, LLC. Danielle provides sex therapy, coaching, and consulting, as well as a host of sexual wellness products for every person’s needs!

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