Non-sexual intimacy and the importance of touch

When we talk about intimacy, most people’s minds go straight to sex. And while sex can be intimate, intimacy itself is so much bigger than that. It’s about connection, closeness, and feeling truly seen and safe with another person. And one of the most powerful ways we cultivate intimacy? Touch.

Non-sexual touch, whether it’s a lingering hug, holding hands, or resting your head in someone’s lap, is just as vital to relationships (romantic or otherwise) as passion and desire. In fact, I’d argue that without non-sexual intimacy, sexual intimacy starts to feel empty.

So let’s talk about why touch matters, how it strengthens relationships, and ways to bring more of it into your life, because pleasure isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling good in and out of the bedroom.

The science of touch: Why we crave it

Touch is the first sense we develop in the womb, and it remains one of the most powerful forms of communication. When we experience affectionate touch, our bodies release oxytocin - the “love hormone” responsible for bonding, trust, and emotional security. It lowers stress, reduces anxiety, and literally makes us feel closer to the people we care about.

But here’s the thing: Many adults, especially in Western cultures, don’t get enough casual, affectionate touch. We reserve it for sex or avoid it altogether unless we’re in a romantic relationship. But touch is human necessity, not just a romantic perk.

Non-sexual intimacy: The glue in relationships

In long-term relationships, non-sexual intimacy is what keeps the connection strong when life gets hectic. It’s the way you reach for each other in quiet moments, the unspoken reassurance of a hand squeeze, or the warmth of cuddling on the couch after a long day. It builds emotional security, reminding both partners that they are loved outside of physical attraction or performance.

And if you’re single? Non-sexual intimacy is still essential. Whether through friendships, family, or even self-touch (like wrapping yourself in a cozy blanket or massaging your own skin), prioritizing affectionate touch keeps us feeling connected and cared for.

Ways to cultivate non-sexual intimacy

• Lingering hugs: Instead of a quick pat on the back, hold onto your partner, friend, or loved one for a little longer. Those extra seconds deepen emotional bonds.
• Hand-holding: It’s simple, but there’s something deeply grounding about linking fingers with someone you love.
• Cuddling without an agenda: Snuggle up without it leading to anything else. Just enjoy the warmth of being close.
• Massage and touch rituals: Whether it’s rubbing your partner’s shoulders after a long day or playing with their hair while watching TV, small acts of touch can be incredibly intimate.
• Daily acts of affection: A forehead kiss before work. A gentle back rub while standing in the kitchen. These small, consistent touches make love feel tangible.

Love is in the little things

Sex is great, but real intimacy? That’s built in the moments in between. The way you reach for each other absentmindedly, the warmth of a reassuring touch, the unspoken love in a simple embrace. So whether you’re in a relationship or not, don’t underestimate the power of non-sexual touch. It’s one of the purest forms of human connection, and we all deserve more of it.

Danielle Simpson-Baker is a Marriage and Family Therapist in Florida and a Board Certified Sexologist with the American Board of Sexology. Danielle holds an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy and is currently working toward a dual certificate in Sex Therapy and Education. She also runs a sex-positive Instagram page (@thesexpottherapist) that has amassed more than 23,000 followers since its inception in 2018; with that following, Danielle started a virtual sexual wellness clinic called Sex(pot) Therapy, LLC. Danielle provides sex therapy, coaching, and consulting, as well as a host of sexual wellness products for every person’s needs!

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