Back in the day, there was a system whereby "first base" meant holding hands, "second base" was kissing, "third base" was touching a boob, and "home plate" meant going all the way. Okay, the "base system" may have changed over the years (pretty sure it died well before Gen Z) but it's a reminder that there are other things to do besides full-on sex - things you can do together with a partner, even while you both still have (some of) your clothes on.
Broadly, "outercourse" is non-penetrative sexual activity. It's not the same as abstinence, because it still involves sexual intimacy (although according to Planned Parenthood, abstinence can mean different things to different people).Outercourse might involve being unclothe and doing everything but "going all the way", or it might mean intimate activities with (some) clothing on - touching, rubbing, stroking, etc but on top of the clothes rather than underneath them.
How you define outercourse is up to you, but it can be a really fun way to get hot and heavy with someone - think making out in the backseat of the car in high school (do people still do that?) and how exciting that can feel.
Look, being intimate and having a good time doesn't always have to culminate in sex. You can, in fact, have a good time without sex. Outercourse is a good way to explore your and your partner's body, to help you better understand what feels good and what you like, and maybe put some boundaries around what you aren't into. It can take the pressure off and help you feel more tuned in to yourself and your body, and to your partner and their body.
Outercourse is also awesome as it can take the pressure off when it comes to contraception. If you're not doing things that could get someone pregnant, you can both feel less inhibited. If you have run out of condoms, you're taking a break from the pill (or you're taking medication that makes the pill less effective), you're waiting for STI results, or someone is menstruating and doesn't want to have sex, outercourse is an option.
Another benefit is that your STI risk is lowered if you're having outercourse - although it's never nil, particularly if you're sharing fluids or touching genitals. So be aware, and have backup methods like condoms available anyway, just in case you get caught up and end up moving to the next level.
Right, here's a list - non-exhaustive - of suggestions for outercourse activities you can take part in with a partner (or partners!). Remember, consent is critical with any kind of intimacy, so talk about it and get comfortable together before you dive in.
Some people consider oral or anal sex to be outercourse as they're not "penis in vagina" sex, but any penetrative act - any act where sexual fluids can be exchanged - can result in pregnancy or an STI. So keep that in mind.
"Hey, let's see how far we can go without having sex" is one way to bring it up! But seriously, just be straightforward. "I want to try this with you" or "Show me what you like" can be good starters. Or just come out with it over dinner: "How would you feel about having some fun with me where it doesn't end in sex?" You'll be able to tell a lot about the other person by how they react - if they're interested in just getting laid, it'll be pretty obvious, but if they're curious and keen to try other non-penetrative activities, you're more likely to have found someone who isn't just focussed on their own pleasure.
It can feel awkward to talk about not having sex with someone you want to have sex with - or someone you've already had sex with. It doesn't matter what their expectations are of you, every intimate act needs consent. So don't feel like you need to preface anything with an apology. You're taking control of what you want, and that is sexy. Being intimate with someone when sex isn't the goal can be super hot and builds trust and excitement between you.
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