Thin-slicing, cut-them-off culture, and noping out

You're out to dinner with a date and they order first, without asking if you'd like to go ahead of them. Or they make themselves a coffee and don’t offer you one. Or they don’t text to wish you a safe flight. Or they have the “wrong” kind of phone. It’s not dramatic, it’s not cruel, it’s just... Underwhelming. In 2025, that might be all it takes to call it quits.

Welcome to the world of thin-slicing, also known as the “cut-them-off theory” – a trend gaining traction on social media, where daters are unapologetically calling time on new connections based on minor missteps.

How does thin-slicing show up in dating?

Thin-slicing is a term psychologists use to describe how we make quick decisions based on limited information. In dating, that means forming a gut-level impression of someone after just one conversation, one gesture, one awkward silence. On platforms like TikTok, users are sharing stories of ending things because a date forgot their coffee order or didn’t follow up after a great first meet.

To some, it sounds petty. To others, particularly women and marginalized daters, it can feel like liberation.

When instinct becomes empowerment

For decades, women in particular have been socialized to overlook uncomfortable moments. We’ve been taught to explain away selfish behaviour, minimize hurt feelings, and give people “another chance” even when something doesn’t sit right. Thin-slicing flips that script.

It says: Trust your gut. If someone shows you a version of themselves you’re not into, believe them. You don’t owe anyone extra emotional labor just because they’re “nice” or you’ve already invested a bit of time.

This isn’t about being unforgiving. It’s about paying attention. Sometimes a small moment, like whether someone makes space for your needs, is actually a preview of bigger patterns to come.

But is it always the right move?

While thin-slicing can be self-protective and empowering, it’s worth asking whether it’s always fair. People are messy. They get nervous, distracted, or simply have a different way of expressing care. What reads as a red flag to one person might be a blip to another. And in a culture where dating already feels high-stakes and high-pressure, cutting people off too quickly can sometimes backfire.

It’s also possible to confuse instinct with bias. If we’re not careful, we can end up reinforcing snap judgments that come more from past baggage than present reality. The goal isn’t to ignore warning signs; it’s to notice them in context.

Relationship expert Angelika Koch puts it like this: “It’s not about lowering your standards. It’s about giving people room to be human without compromising your own clarity.”

Making thin-slicing work for you

So how do you know when to trust your gut, and when to stay open?

Start by getting clear on what’s a true deal-breaker versus what might just be nerves, mismatched expectations, or a one-off oversight. If something doesn’t sit right, check in with yourself: Is this behaviour part of a pattern? Have you communicated your needs clearly? Are you reacting to the person in front of you, or to something (or someone) from your past?

At its best, thin-slicing can be a form of self-trust; a way of saying, “I know what I want, and I don’t need to justify walking away.” But it can also be a fast-forward button that skips over the slow, sometimes awkward process of genuinely getting to know someone. Use wisely, and if you think you might be missing out, take stock and consider whether you’re really slicing just a bit too thinly and perhaps need to ease up a little.