Your dating app profile is a filter, not a billboard

If you've ever sat down to write your dating app profile and thought, “How do I make myself look as attractive as possible to as many people as possible?” you are absolutely not alone. It's the advice most of us have absorbed from magazines, from friends, even from the apps themselves. Smile more, be approachable, highlight your best angles. That might sound harmless (and honestly, there's some good points there), but here's the problem. When you create a profile that appeals to everyone, you also attract everyone. And not everyone is a good match for you.

Your dating profile is not a billboard. It is not meant to shout “pick me” to the entire pool of possible matches. It is, in fact, a filter. Its job is to help the right people find you, and to encourage the wrong people to quietly keep on scrolling.

If you care deeply about politics, religion, or social issues, hiding or downplaying that information on your profile might give you more matches in the short-term. But do you really want to waste your time going out with someone who will argue with you about whether your values matter? It's far better to say what you mean upfront. If your profile mentions your political stance and that makes someone decide not to match, then congratulations! You've just saved yourself an awkward date and a lot of frustration.

The same goes for lifestyle choices. If you actually do love early mornings, hiking, and yoga, and you put that out there, you will naturally draw people who love those things, too. If you're proudly childfree (or planning to be), or a parent who wants a date who's okay with kids (and needing to work dates around them), say so. If you're sober and you want someone who respects that, make it clear. None of this is about scaring people off. It is about creating a shortcut to the connections that actually have a shot at working.

For women especially, there's often pressure to "soften" everything. To leave out the strong opinions, the dealbreakers, the lines in the sand. But softening your profile too much does not make you more dateable. It makes you more likely to end up weeding through endless conversations with people you're not truly compatible with. Being upfront in your profile is not about being negative. It's about respecting your own time and energy.

Men can benefit from this approach, too. Instead of listing generic hobbies or trying to look like the most impressive version of yourself, try adding details that show who you really are and what you care about. If you're politically active, if you love gaming, if you're looking for something specific, put that in. You might get fewer matches, but the ones you do get will be more likely to go somewhere meaningful.

Side note: If you're just in it for something casual, put that. There are few things more annoying than a profile where you tick all the relationship boxes in the hope you'll just get laid. It's misleading and will piss off your dates. If you're DTF and nothing else, just be honest about it, okay?

The beauty of treating your profile like a filter is that it shifts the energy. You're not advertising yourself to the world and hoping for approval. You are curating. You are holding the door open for people who share your values and interests, while politely keeping it closed for those who do not. That is not rejection. That is efficiency!

Dating apps work best when they help you get closer to the relationships you actually want. So give yourself permission to be direct. Write the profile that feels authentic, even if it narrows your pool. The goal is not more matches. The goal is better matches.

At the end of the day, you do not need everyone to like you. You need the right person to see you clearly, recognize something they connect with, and send you a message. That is why your profile is a filter. And the sharper your filter, the more likely you are to find someone who feels just right.