Is it selfish to want joy right now?

There is a specific kind of guilt that seems to flourish in times of global chaos. It shows up when you feel excited about something personal, like a date, a hookup, a creative project, a holiday, or even just a quiet night with the remote to yourself, and then immediately you feel a pang of shame for caring. The news is relentless. The crises feel endless. Against that backdrop, wanting pleasure, romance, or rest can feel frivolous or even morally wrong, as though your joy is somehow out of step with the seriousness of the world.

That guilt does not come from nowhere. Many of us have absorbed the belief that being a “good person” means putting ourselves last, staying constantly informed, and centring other people’s pain over our own needs. Add social media to the mix, where outrage and virtue often perform better than nuance, and it can start to feel like enjoying your life is proof that you are disengaged or uncaring. The pressure to appear endlessly serious can erode your ability to feel excitement, desire, or hope without second guessing yourself.

But wanting something for yourself does not make you selfish. It makes you human! You are allowed to want connection, intimacy, pleasure, fun, and meaning, even while caring deeply about the state of the world. Those two things are not in competition. In fact, they often sustain each other.

Dr Kristin Neff, a psychologist known for her work on self-compassion, explains it this way: “Self-compassion simply involves doing a U-turn and giving yourself the same compassion you’d naturally show a friend when you’re struggling or feeling badly about yourself.  It means being supportive when you’re facing a life challenge, feel inadequate, or make a mistake. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality or getting carried away by your negative thoughts and emotions, you stop to tell yourself 'this is really difficult right now', how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?”

Making room for your own needs does not reduce your empathy. It helps prevent the emotional exhaustion that can eventually numb it. When everything feels urgent and heavy, it is tempting to fall into black-or-white thinking. Either you stay perpetually focused on global suffering, or you are judged as shallow for focusing on your own life. Real people do not live at those extremes, though. Most of us exist somewhere in the middle, trying to stay informed, compassionate, and responsible while also building relationships, seeking pleasure, laughing at stupid jokes, and planning moments that remind us why life is worth caring about in the first place.

Denying yourself anything that feels good does not make you more ethical or more enlightened. More often, it makes you depleted, resentful, and more likely to disengage entirely. Burnout does not help anyone. Joy, connection, and rest can actually restore the emotional energy it takes to keep showing up for the things that matter.

There is also something powerful about choosing to experience desire and pleasure in difficult times. It pushes back against the idea that your life must be defined only by productivity, fear, or sacrifice. It is a reminder that your existence is not just about surviving or witnessing crisis, but about living, feeling, loving, and wanting, even imperfectly.

If you find yourself feeling guilty for wanting romance, sex, adventure, or simply a little happiness, it may help to soften the story you tell yourself. Instead of framing it as selfishness, try seeing it as self-preservation. You are allowed to have a life that includes joy, even while the world struggles. You do not need to postpone your happiness until everything is fixed. You are allowed to care about global suffering and still crave intimacy. You are allowed to be thoughtful, informed, compassionate, and still choose moments that are just for you.

The world can be heavy, and you can still reach for light. Both truths can exist at the same time, and you do not need to feel ashamed for that.